Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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