this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
