Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
