That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
