the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
