Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
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Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
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We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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