Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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