I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
