I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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