you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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