Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
