Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
