there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
