three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
