Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
