Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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