It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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