dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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