but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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