I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
