Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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