I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Boobs are out for the taking
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
