he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
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