Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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