It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
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