I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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