the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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