I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
