he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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