i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
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he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
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drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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