He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize