I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
