dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
