My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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