Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
