Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
