I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
