okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
