I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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