I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
