She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
