It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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