Jerry, you need to find god
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I think I just sharted jello shots
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