Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
