never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
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