I could make wine with my vomit
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
