Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Randomize
