please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
