i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
