i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
