I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
