I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
The beer is more important than you right now.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
