I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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