in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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