You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
