i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Randomize
