so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
