there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
