It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
