hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
