where's my purse there's an important taco in it
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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