Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
