Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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