at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
