i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
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I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
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i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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