Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
