Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
