Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Randomize
