I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
