i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
