I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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