its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
