Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
