remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
