Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
