so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Randomize
