No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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