If that was your dad, he is hot
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
