I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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